Fifth Day of a Good Month

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Most Compassionate

Time is flying by really fast. We have been fasting for four days and today is the fifth day. So far, the faith has been improving. I am more than happy that the hubby is steadfast in his prayers and has been the 'imam' for all the prayers over the weekend. Of course I hope that this good practice will continue even after Ramadhan is over. Indeed my faith is tested even more so during this month. Lil' sis has not been coming home again and I am more than upset. I do not understand why she has to stay at her friend's condo every week. She had told me before that they are catching up before her friend leaves for Bahrain. I think one can catch up with a friend without having to stay with each other almost every day. It is the fasting month and it had be nice to have her break fast with the family most nights. My parents do not seem to dare to tell her not to stay over so often. Sigh. Somehow, they are much more lenient with her about EVERYTHING. Do not get me wrong. I am not speaking from jealousy. But I do not want history to repeat itself. If anything should happen, who do we blame? Of course nobody to blame but my sister herself. But parents being parents, they would eventually put the blame on themselves. And when that day comes, I would hate to say, "I told you so." Anyway, the parents have always been biased. Of course NO parents in the world would ever admit that they are biased towards their children. But they always are. So yes, the parents have always been leaning towards the younger one in the family, maybe unconsciously. I have always been the obstinate one, the strong-headed one, the one who has been independent in EVERYTHING in her entire life. Yes, of course I have screwed up once in a while. Oh no no no, I have screwed up many 'once in while'. And of course the parents never stop breathing down my neck since I was born. Then again, I would not be the capable individual that I am today had it not been for their constant hardness on me.

I do not know the direction that my sister is heading in. I do not know what she is aiming for for her future. We have talked but when the subject about finding a partner comes up, she stiffens and always tries to avoid talking about it. I have told her that I am unhappy about her regular absence from home. She is forking out so much time for this friend of hers, does she have time for HER life, for HERSELF?
I have resolved not to say anything about it and I have given up telling my parents to exert some force lil' sis. I have resolved to leave it to God. I need His help now because I am helpless. Sometimes I ask myself, have I done enough. Sometimes I feel I have done too much. Hopefully God will open up lil'sis's heart and help her to find her way. Hopefully, God will help her see that her life does not revolve around losing weight and spending so much time being nice and faithful to a friend. Nowadays, there are no friends that can be compared to the 'Sahabat' of our Beloved Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him). Friends come and go. Lil' sis has been through these friends who come and go. She has had her share of heartbreak. I hope she will never have to go through all that again.
Today mummy's cooking 'Mee Hong Kong' for break of fast and the hubby's got a dentist appointment. Right now, I am still at work typing away. I have a meeting at 3.30p.m.. Then I will be leaving at 4.15p.m., have a good shower and say my prayers. I do not know if I should read or watch the tube. But I am resolved to have a good rest. Ok ok, I am resolved to slack! Slack! Slack! Slack!

I thank Allah first and last, for without His Mercy, nothing is possible and nothing is blessed.